neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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