My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
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