Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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