shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
