I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
