I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Vodka?
Forever.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
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