What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
