We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
