so that wasnt chicken after all
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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