is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
