why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
