You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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