my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
