I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
