I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
