so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
