I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize
