Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
