He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
