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Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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