If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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