and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
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