i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
