The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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