...so i touched it.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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