She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
