I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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