in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Randomize
