Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
