fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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