you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Randomize
