Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
