I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
