Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
