Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
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