NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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