Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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