it's not cheating when I paid for it
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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