can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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