I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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