Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
