i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
