So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
