and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
