Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
smell my finger.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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