Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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