Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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