how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
