Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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