She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
