I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
