My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
