why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
