Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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