you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
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