you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
