I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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