matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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