do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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