you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
