this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
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