He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
