Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Randomize
