mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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