Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
