You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Randomize
