If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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