Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Randomize
