Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
