everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
