The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
