Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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