He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
