remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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