I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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