the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize