shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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