a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
