it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
