Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
