right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
